When Kindness Hurts

You’d be hard pressed to look anywhere in society and find someone who opposes kindness. I mean there are some cold, heartless people in the world, but to find a person who dislikes kindness? Good luck. And I’ve written that essay about being kind and the power of choosing kind. I’ll write it again because I’m not really sure we can preach that message enough to people. We are all fighting a battle and you don’t know how much a small act of kindness can mean to someone. But I’m taking a different spin on kindness. And I quoted Jesus because I couldn’t find anyone else who expressed this thought and I didn’t want to quote myself but the truth I’m going after applies across religions here so don’t freak out. I’m not preaching.

Anybody can be kind by our definition of kindness. If kindness means to pick up books for someone who drops them, hold the door, offer a smile, share a sandwich… those are all good things. They make a difference in someone’s day at little to no cost to yourself. But I’m saying that random acts of kindness aren’t enough. I’m saying that kindness SHOULD hurt. It shouldn’t be free, it should come at a great expense to ourselves. Not always. Because small acts of kindness are good things. But honestly. Holding doors, picking up books, and sharing sandwiches? How kind is it when it doesn’t cost you anything? At that point, you’re really displaying common courtesy rather than genuine kindness.

Real kindness that stems from a love for humanity and other people should come with great expense to the bestower. It shouldn’t be easy. It should be very difficult to help others. It means giving up your time when you don’t have any. Giving encouragement to people who constantly bring you down and don’t reciprocate your efforts at all. Helping someone or an organization financially to the point where it isn’t always easy on yourself. Students: choosing kindness in spite of your reputation. Picking up a book for a(n) (insert derogatory term here) kid comes at no cost to your reputation and popularity, but sitting with them at lunch for a week and making time outside of class to hang out with them: that’s love.

What I hold, is that we need to be a people that go an extra mile. What credit to you is it if you display common courtesy to human beings? Good! But what speaks volumes about character, what speaks volumes about love, and what is more encouraging than anything else to someone discouraging is kindness when you didn’t have to. This can be big things or small things. Something as simple as taking ten minutes to make a study guide for a student struggling with curriculum on an upcoming test. Time is money and ten minutes… priceless. But it should also be bigger than that. When you perform kindness like that you walk away with mixed emotions. You are gratified for your good deeds and for the appreciation likely shown to you, but you also are hurting because you didn’t have time, didn’t have the resources, money… that’s the kind of selfless living that makes the world a better place.

We want to draw the line because we treat ourselves so well that we can’t compromise our own comfort and well being. We repeat the golden rule, but we don’t live by it at all. Sure we’re decent to other people but as decent as we are to ourselves. Helping at all costs. Striving to make their lives better and really loving them on the heart level? It’s pretty much an unheard of reality and it’s one that makes the world a better place. It’s not unheard of in places where people are impoverished everywhere and just helping each other to survive, but because we aren’t that desperate we generally aren’t that kind. But honestly? If you’re patting yourself on the back for a held door and a smile… grow up. That’s not kindness. It’s human decency. Treat others the way you would want to be treated and then a little more in every respect, and not because you’re obliged but because you genuinely love all people (see Valentine’s Day essay). Love is a choice. Kindness is a choice. And I want us to push the boundaries of what we call kind. It’s not kind to pat someone on the bag and tell them they’ll get through it. It’s kind to do everything in our power to help, just like we would do for ourselves. Push the limits guys. This isn’t a place you get overnight. It takes practice. But push the limits of kind. Let it hurt. That’s how we make the world a better and more loving place.