The Core Issue

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

The subject of this pre-essay anecdote is Maddie Shrine, a sixth-grade girl at my school who perplexed me over the four months that I’ve known her name. In classic “Book Thief” Fashion:

***How I Know Maddison Shrine***

1. She rides my bus.

2. She’s on the cross country team.

2a. Except not this week because of her grades: she’s ineligible.

The first time I truly encountered her she was out of her usual seat somewhere near the back of the bus, and she meandered her way forward to sit with a bunch of Kindergarteners. (Where I was also sitting at the time, thanks to my slightly insecure Kindergarten sister, and also even more insecure her then seventh-grade brother.) Most children of that age would be undignified and annoyed to a high degree to lose their seat, but Maddie made the most of the opportunity. I couldn’t help but notice how easily she talked to the little kids, asked them questions, talked about weekends, and so sweet in doing so. It was pretty adorable. Even my shy little sister was talking to her, and that takes something major.

I assumed, errantly, at the time that she was a gem of a human being who would always be exceptionally sweet to everyone she encountered, and take nothing for granted. She was without a doubt a perfect student and she was going to do big things with her future. Because no child with friends on the bus is that willing to go sit with six-year-olds and have a conversation. They just aren’t.

On the cross country team, I saw a different side of her. This side said, “My ankle hurts,” or “my knee hurts,” side of her, the side that complains all the time because of something. (I can’t stand kids on the cross country team complaining about running. If you don’t like running, then don’t sign up. Plain and simple) She was a good runner, but she could have been SO much better if she’d have just stopped complaining and ran her best.

Last week on the bus I saw an entirely different side altogether. It requires some setup. Our bus has about nine-thousand children on it. Our school district is about a square mile in area so I don’t know why they can’t split the kids on the busses up a little more, but they don’t and there are nine-thousand kids. Maddie Shrine has herself and two kids that were about her age, maybe a little younger in her seat. If you don’t remember what it’s like to cram three people into a school bus seat, let me just remind you… not good.

So the route starts and some kids get off the bus and the two girls that are sitting with her get out of the seat and move to the empty seat. Fine. That’s against the rules but the bus driver will take the quiet that not having three children in every seat creates over the ever so slight risk of injury from changing seats on a stationary bus.

So Will. His name isn’t Will, but we’ll call him Will. Will is a loud rambunctious third or fourth-grade boy with some learning disabilities, nice kid, but loud and crazy twenty-four/seven/three-sixty-five. Maddie has a seat with one person in it. He’s sitting with two people who probably don’t like him very much and he feels like he has the right to move to a seat with one person in it. I exaggerate the details to make a point, but this is at least how I saw it. Maddie freaks out. This boy is not going to sit with him. I can’t lie and say I heard every word she said, but my blood was boiling just watching her face, yell and scream and tell him to move because “You aren’t allowed to move seats.” (So why would he be allowed to move back?) Totally bashing on the kid and for no good reason. After all, why would she care? She’s not sitting with her friends anyway, so what difference would it be to her if someone else sat next to her and ignored her for the rest of the ride home? And she sits with Kindergarteners. Not allowing Will to sit next to her and yelling at him for trying to do so is essentially a direct hit on his character as a human being, and the poor kid just wants a place to sit.

So here’s my incredibly simple point: what we do flows from what we think. It’s not that Maddie experiences drastic mood swings and sometimes she’s kind and hardworking, other times really lazy and at another occasion a total jerk. It has everything to do with what she thinks about different people and activities which are influencing her actions towards them. We do what we do because we think what we think and we want what we want. That’s human nature (inherently selfish) personified.

Maddie thinks Kindergarteners are cute and innocent so she talks to them kindly and is willing to give up a day of bus conversations to sit with them. She thinks running is boring, or hard, or painful, so she whines about it and acts as though it is the most laborious task in the world. She doesn’t want to sit with Will because she thinks he is an idiot or awkward or loud and crazy, whatever. The reality couldn’t be any simpler.

The famous and overused cliche of a quote that I could have used and that you are probably familiar with for this particular topic is from Leo Tzu: “Watch your thoughts, they become your words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

Character and destiny are scary ideas, but here’s a nice fact: it starts with what goes on in your head. Actions and choices are made and done because we think what we think. Negativity and animosity for people exist because people have been trained that way. If you were raised to think Jews are terrible as in the case of Nazi Germany, you think that You probably don’t even stop to question the logic of it, you just do. Your religion is, ninety percent of the time a product of how you were raised, and if you changed your religion or acquired one, you certainly thought hard about what you were taught growing up. We are like clay, very pliable for a while, but after a bit tough as can be and very difficult to be molded.

But the thing is: difficult, but not impossible. We can change the way our brains are wired. And it’s important to do so. We have these brains and we need to be very careful what we think. Harmful thoughts may seem innocent, but they will flow into harmful words and actions which can end up changing lives. Sexual assault and rape don’t start with rape. It starts with a bad thought and then it turns into a midnight trip to the phone to see a bad picture. Some conversations with the guys likely proceed the action. And then the thing that changes the course of your life.

So I’m not asking anyone to change their life in any big way. But think about what you are thinking and about what you allow in your heart. Because you control it, and managing it is very important. Watch what enters your brain and do not be afraid to challenge it. And think positively. We talk about positivity and kindness, but if your heart isn’t in the right place, that isn’t going to happen. It’s not about faking it until you make it and putting a smile on your face. Make a difference. Like for real. Heart in the right place. Loving, kind hearts will do loving kind things. Angry, cruel hearts will do angry, cruel things. A tree is known by its fruit. An apple tree won’t produce corn. A cow won’t birth a human. Period. You will not change the fruit that you grow unless you take the time to change what is in your heart.