On Gratitude Part 2: Don't Forget Those People

Last weekend I went with my brother and father to see our high school football team play. I don’t usually go to the games, I’m not a social person, but the team hasn’t lost a regular season game since I was in fifth grade and they were playing against their arch-rivals for a trip to the state quarterfinals, and their sophomore quarterback already has five FBS college offers, so it seemed like a fun thing to do during an otherwise uneventful Saturday afternoon.

We got there pretty late because my dad decided to take a sixty-mile bike ride before the game (not unusual, but frustrating when we’re trying to get somewhere on time) and after a great struggle to park we found that there weren’t really any seats left in the main bleachers. We didn’t want to sit on the other team's sideline either because their fans were crazy and we didn’t feel like getting stoned. Besides, that’s no fun. So we went around to our sideline and found a little tiny section of bleachers (standing room only) positioned at the far end zone. Whatever. Not great, but the game was tied, we were going to hang out and spend a Saturday afternoon watching some good pigskin.

Two minutes later my dad gets a little tap on his shoulder. There’s a group behind us of about half a dozen relatively young adults who seem a little country, but we live in a territory where hillbillies are, if not the norm, certainly commonplace, so we didn’t think too much of it. But now the lady has words. “I can’t see over your shoulder.” It was rude. It wasn’t a could you move, it wasn’t a please move, it was an informative statement. I can’t see. We’re thinking these are bleachers. What do you want us to do? My dad gives them one of those looks and we go back to watching the game. We’re not even really in their way, they could have stepped up a step to see, and you can’t just own bleachers.

Well the guy wasn’t going to have it and in a brief moment the conversation had sparked from a rude exchange to the lady’s husband going off on my dad for being a f---ing prick and not getting out of the way, and we were here first, and. Well my dad wasn’t very happy, and he knew he wasn’t guilty, but at some point he realized that he wasn’t going to get anywhere by arguing, and he had a small kid with him and so did the family to our left so he moved even higher up into the abyss of nowhere seats. One would think that would be the end of the conversation, but no. The guy still hadn’t had enough and he kept calling my dad names like a two-year-old, and hooting and hollering and my dad has his hands up like: “I’m terribly sorry for whatever I’ve done to offend you.” It wasn’t until I, the quiet fourteen-year-old kid who stood off to the side gave him a piece of my mind that he shut up. It wasn’t that he was arguing. I mean whatever, but we did what you want so LET IT GO!

The game was a lot of fun, we won the game quite literally on the last play of the game, and then went home and had a fun Saturday afternoon, raked the lawn, watched some football, talked to my girl, it was fun. But I have to admit I was in a sour mood for quite a while. Who does that? Is that really where our world is at that people are just that mean and no one really thinks anything of it. Is that the norm, acceptable? I wasn’t thinking so much about some jerks at a football game. I was thinking about our world. Most people are good? It sure doesn’t look like it.

It occurred to me while I was thinking about this that I might not be the only person to see the world as doomed. Three hundred mass shootings this year. A general vibe of no respect, a sense of entitlement everywhere, whining, it’s embarrassing and honestly scary. Maybe you too have lost hope that the world is full of good people working towards a better place for everyone. It is easy to be, and here’s the word, ungrateful for the people of the world. We assume it’s all bad people, we’re out only for our own good, most of the time we are looking at our phones and we forget that in fact there are people to be grateful for. (I am not trying to say that there are good people - we are all sinners. The terms good and bad, when used with people, are about the goal and heart of a person, not their actual actions.)

Do you notice people? We think we can run this race alone and we should not forget the importance that other people play in helping us get to the finish line. It’s easy to do and even easier when we see example after example of negativity, and we are quick to forget. But there are people to be grateful for of all kinds. They all bring good things into our lives whether we see it or not. It’s not always about us. It is about all of us, working together, and we have to see that. Need some examples? Here goes:

I’m thankful for all the people who have been my friends in all the places I’ve lived. I don’t always know why someone would do that, but I’m thankful that love and true friendship has covered over the gaps that are my nerdiness and awkwardness.

I’m thankful for every person who’s done something completely random to make my day a little brighter. The other day it was a girl I hardly knew, shamefully tried to avoid who had some special needs wishing me well on an important test, congratulating me after a basketball game win.

I’m thankful for my family, always there, always present.

I’m thankful for all the people I witness doing nice things for each other, for “immature” people looking out for others in small ways.

I’m thankful for people who challenge my patience, who exasperate me, who make me question the future, who make me cry. God loves them too, as much as me, and I am so thankful for their way of helping me grow.

I’m thankful for smart, intelligent people who have challenged me and made me work to my fullest potential.

I’m thankful for the people in the world who I’ve had the chance to help and grow and have given me the chance to use my strengths to try and make the world a better place.

I’m so thankful for my educators who have inspired me, helped me to believe in myself and my abilities and taught me to work hard and to my potential and made me the student that I am today.

It doesn’t have to be big things. Of course, I’m so thankful for my sweet girl and my parents and my best friends and if we’re taking those people for granted then that’s a serious problem. But then you’ve got your people that are brightening the world in the smallest of ways, just by a smile, offering to be my partner when I don’t have one, holding the door, filling in for someone’s volunteer hours, and how much do we miss those beautiful, simple things. We have our noses in our phones, on our calendars (probably still on our phones) and we forget the nice things people do.

And it’s cool when people do those things for us, but it’s even cooler when you get to observe it in the world. I wrote about that a few weeks ago, Alex and Mrs. Kotiv. Just observing those little kindnesses, aren’t you thankful for that? When a popular kid stands up for someone, a cop buys a car seat for a boy instead of giving a ticket for not being strapped in correctly, are you missing that? Are you thankful for that? Even the people that really challenge us have a purpose.

Here’s the thing: the world is full of bad people. We’re all bad people. But sometimes bad people do cool things and we shouldn’t forget about it. Notice those things and be thankful for them. Don’t miss the beauty of the simple things that people are doing. Don’t get so caught up in the bad.

Maybe you read this and think: “so what?” The reality is, you can live a life without gratitude just fine. For a while. But there is nothing more discouraging and nothing that will wear you down so much than to be a pessimist and find the bad. There is bad, but there is also something to be thankful for, and the more you count those blessings, the more you will find. Remember last week’s poem too. You can always be the boy walked five miles to the well. You have running water. Be thankful for that. You can go without gratitude, but honestly what’s the point?

Be thankful for people along the journey. You aren’t here to run the race alone. Look at people, look at the world, notice the little beauty. Don’t ever get so distracted that you miss out on that beauty, and take time, not just because Thanksgiving is next week, but always to be grateful, for stuff, for people, for life.