Gratitude vs. Entitlement

“An attitude of entitlement is inversely related to one of gratitude.” - Pete Wilson

This week’s essay is about entitlement. So it’s important to define entitlement. How do I define it? Entitlement is the direct opposite of gratitude. Gratitude is humble and it looks at oneself as the wretched sinner they are and then takes everything given to them and everything they are able to accomplish, through the blessing of God on their own labors, as a miracle to be thankful for. Contrarily, entitlement is proud and looks at oneself as the product of everything they are able to acquire for oneself. It believes essentially that everything was meant to bless them, and that when things aren’t going their way, the sky is falling. 

  Entitlement is at least to some extent natural for us. We see, we want, we get. It starts with the simple things like a desire to eat and drink as we please. I went out there and worked hard all day, I am entitled to sit down and have a hamburger. We all do that without thinking about it, and usually, that’s not a problem. However, it quickly becomes a problem when we begin to think that the people that we associate with owe us something and that people are here to serve us. 

  This is the root of at least ninety-five percent in public schools. The teacher/instructor/authority figure has given a command. “I do not want to follow the command. I am free to do as I please because I am better than said authoritative person/I don’t like said, authoritative person. I get to do what I want to do because I want to do it and I don’t care what anyone else thinks. Don’t judge me.” (The last sentence shows up in our society a lot too, and without being too controversial, I’d say that absolutely all of that stuff is selfish entitlement too.) 

  Entitlement is a little bit natural. As I’ve said - no one struggles with self-love. Sorry, you don’t. But this is absolutely a habit that can be broken if we train our minds to do it. Rather than have the attitude of the student in the above paragraph, the attitude should be, “Authoritative figure has told me to do/not do something. I will do it because Mr. Authority is in charge and he is here working his butt off for me for not nearly enough money for way more than forty hours a week trying to bless the next generation with the gift of free education that hundreds of millions of children around the world do not have.” Why? Because we must select the attitude of gratitude - it is the only way to stand against the entitlement beast. 

  And I don’t suggest that we stand against the entitlement beast by ourselves. We are a largely individualistic society, and many of these essays are geared towards what you can do. But this is an essay that’s just about what you can do. It’s about changing something that is seriously wrong with society and we do that together. Everyone has a responsibility in that. 

 For the older generation my message is this: stop babying us. There’s nothing harder in the world than balancing out love for the teenagers in our lives and teaching them respect. But we’re all going to respect those that are respectful of us. When I say put down the hammer on us - I’m not saying grow fangs and yell - I’m talking about preparing kids and teenagers for what lies ahead that hard work will matter. If that hard work can be meaningful and beneficial to the student, we will have 1.) smarter students but far more importantly 2.) a world of kids that are prepared to work hard and do their stuff. Every year going through probably fifth grade I was told: “You know your middle and high school teachers aren’t going to take this stuff late like I am. No way.” 

  I’m taking Math Two Honors at the high school this year. That’s sophomore honors math with tenth graders and honors curriculum, and do you know what sweet Mrs. Troyer’s late work policy is? “Late work will be excepted up to the day of the unit test with no penalty.” (rough quote from the syllabus.) WHAT?!?! That’s ludicrous! Nothing fuels a sense of entitlement like that! It’s tenth grade! I mean for kids who work hard and miss one assignment a year because they were legitimately busy and forgot, I get that, and as one of those kids, I find it helpful, but this is tenth-grade people! The world is competitive, and we cannot teach our children that hard work is optional. Nothing should ever be handed to them. 

  Parents also have a critical role to play in all of this. When I think about the most respectful and hardworking people I know, I can’t think of one case where that doesn’t trace right back to the parents. A parent who works hard for everything, regardless of their financial situation is one of the best gifts that can be given to a child and instilling the value of hard work in children and teenagers are integral to success - both theirs as an individual and ours as a society and generation. You can’t guarantee that good parenting will lead to good kids, but you can pretty much count on lazy entitled parenting bringing up lazy entitled kids. (By the way, if you’re getting this email as an adult or parent, I absolutely admire the work you are doing and think of you as some of the best examples of these traits in the world. I am BY NO MEANS trying to call ANYONE out.) 

  Finally and absolutely most critically to the students getting this email: we are the guilty party. Forgive me I have to be super blunt for a minute. I don’t care who your parents are. I don’t care how much money they make or what they do or how successful they are that got them to where they are. I don’t give a you know what. You are responsible for you and you are responsible for your effort. I am so sick of lackluster efforts. It is not fair to the adults in your life who are working their asses off every day for you and it is not being a good steward of what you have been given, both by God and your elders.

 I realize that there are fortunate people who will never have to work a day in their life to get through college and get through life - maybe even get through life comfortably or grandiloquently. To quote the scriptures though, “For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required.” Whatever position you find yourself in, be it one of wealth or poverty or somewhere in between, you are to work your butt off every day. Everything you have, much or little is not a right. Life in itself is not a right. Work your butt off every day not because you need to do it to make you better, but because you are a privileged child, you have been given much, and you will be a good steward of what you have been given; for the world, for yourself, for society, and for him who will require much of you. 

  At the end of the day, it boils down to a choice. Expectant and entitled people believe they should get more because they deserve it. Grateful people work hard and take nothing for granted, and that is the attitude that we need, despite how contrary it is to our society. Grateful people can be satisfied in any circumstance, while expectant and entitled people will never be full. Which one are you going to be?