Everything Needn't Be Sugarcoated

"The minute you start compromising the truth for the sake of massaging somebody's ego, that's it, game over." - Gordon Ramsay

My favorite television shows (at least current shows) have Gordon Ramsay in them. He is the single best reality TV star in the entire world, hilariously profane but yet still with the very best of intentions in mind because he intends to get results - every show with him in it is fantastic for this reason. One of my favorites is Kitchen Nightmares. 

This is a show when Gordon travels across America to find restaurants that are on the verge of collapse and he watches their dinner service and gives them what they need to become a successful restaurant. What stands out is that he is unbelievably brusque - he tells the people exactly what is wrong with the food and the style of the restaurant, frankly and then he fixes it. The people are usually offended. But in seven seasons of this show, only one restaurant has ever failed to be totally done over by his work and in the end, the staff and management are always extremely grateful. 

Have you noticed that we have become a generation of sugar coaters? I will never forget in sixth grade we read "The Wednesday Wars," and Holling Hoodhood has a conversation with his dad that goes something like this: 

"Mrs. Baker made me clean the chalkboard after class today," (As if insinuating that Mrs. Baker is out of her mind.) 

"What did you do?" 

Mrs. Coulombe said: "THAT is the way parents were in the sixties, and that is the way they should be." 

Honestly, I couldn't agree more. 

We have become people that have excepted failure and laziness.  Here are some examples: 

- NBA players high five each other after MISSING a free throw. 

- When someone strikes out in my brother's baseball league, the only feedback they usually receive is, "good swing," and usually, it's not.

- I'm in eighth grade, and due dates are still optional here. What's with that? You've known the paper was due for a month, the date's been on my calendar circled and red, wrote and rewrote in my agenda, and somehow they can turn it in with no more than a shake of the head or an eye roll the next day for full credit. 

- After a test the other day, a girl, we'll call her Megan, came up to me and asked me about a question. Given that the test was OVER I happily explained the answer to her, and she goes and asks Mrs. Jones for her test back and changes the answer the following school day. 

The list goes on and on.

Here's what I'm not trying to say. I'm not trying to say that failure isn't acceptable. Nobody's perfect. And I'm not trying to say that being honest means you have to be a jerk. You don't have to tell someone their breath stinks or that they are socially awkward. I would never condone that. What I am saying is that we are raising a generation of people who think that it's okay to not try because if they fail they will be given opportunity after opportunity to try again. The reason that the next generation is the way that it is, quite frankly ladies and gentlemen isn't that they are doing something different, it's because we are doing something different. Kids will be kids. We are telling kids that it is okay to be lazy or wrong and that is the reason that this generation is the way that it is. 

I'm asking, begging even that we would cut this attitude out. It's not ubiquitous yet but is rapidly approaching the point of no return. I don't think failure is the worst thing that can happen to a person, but what we are teaching is that minimal effort is okay. We're to the point when coach says, "Take a lap," and only four kids run. Stop babying people. If their feelings are hurt, their feelings are hurt, what's important is that they are learning. Discipline, hard discipline even is necessary. There is a point when positive reinforcement no longer works and kids need to learn that for their success they will have to work. Failure isn't the worst thing that can happen, but in the event that it does, people need to know so that they can do better in the future. 

What happens when we sugarcoat is that we waste everyone's time. We beat around the bush when being frank would get things done faster. Absolutely there is a kind way to do that, you don't say, "You suck," but you don't say, "I like it," when it sucks either. You go through the things that suck, you explain what's wrong with it, and you get the ship back on course. Period. No one gets anywhere by taking the ego-compromising, easy way out. If we want results, a next generation that can get things done, we have to be much, much more honest, and if we aren't, believe me, of the ten billion people that live here when we are the head of the working force, (2050) people will figure it out. If we aren't working hard to make a difference, someone will.