Be Terrified

   I don’t know what scares you, but nothing scares me more than putting myself out in the world socially. One would think, considering I have half a dozen moves on my life resume, that this wouldn’t be a problem, but I’m still an introvert at heart and putting myself out there scares me. I don’t usually mind because I’m not usually bored. I always have a writing project I want to work on or a Bible Study to do, or maybe a book I want to read and if nothing else I want to hang out with my siblings or play a family board game. If anything, silly as it may seem, even during the breaks I feel like I’m busy. Not busy in a bad way like I can’t breathe under the weight of all the stuff I’m trying to do, but busy in a way that I’m not usually bored. Over a break though, it becomes super apparent to me that I need to put myself out there a little more. I get lonely.

   It’s a basic human principle that we need communication with other humans. It’s why solitary confinement is the worst punishment that can be dreamt up. I can be loud and rowdy and crazy when I’m with my friends, but as a nerd and as a total introvert, to begin with, it’s really hard for me to talk to people. I’m awkward and it’s especially challenging when I’m meeting new people. The idea of having friends over or trying to go to youth group on a weekly basis petrifies me. It’s probably the scariest thing for me in the entire world aside from losing loved ones or something tragic like that.

   Over the course of the semester I can forget all about that problem, get wrapped up in the nine-hour school days I’m living in, talk to the people that I already know will appreciate me for who I am, play my piano, do my homework, work on writing, give Xavia piggyback rides, and I’m happy with that routine. But when I sit here and have time to think and reflect on the year then I can’t shove it under the rug anymore. It’s a real challenge for me. It has been for a long time, but most apparently as I’ve gone through middle school.

   Eleanor Roosevelt, as usual, has brilliant advice here. We get stuck in a rut, in a routine, in the “just survive” mode that I talked about last week. Instead, we need a mission. And one way to make sure we are focusing on our mission is to regularly do things that terrify us.

   To be clear, a few things this does not mean:

This does not mean physical terror. I’m still not going to the middle school trip to Six Flags at the end of the year. It’s just a bad idea.

This does not mean doing things randomly just for the fact that they are terrifying.

Doing things that terrify you that will not make your life better is a stupid idea. I’m terrified of gangs and I’m not going to join one to cure that fear. I’m scared of a whole bunch of things that it’s fine to be scared of.

   Instead, it is a very intentional terror. It’s looking at a weak area of your life, mine being social interactions (there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert but it’s just a category I need improvement on) and choosing, not during a break, but during the course of life throwing stuff at you to do terrifying things. I don’t know what it is for you. But if you do things that scare you, you have to be thinking about your mission and self-improvement.

   Ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen? Maybe it’s saying a kind word to a frightening coworker. Maybe it’s trying to get a piece of writing published or maybe you’re like me and you are struggling to invite friends over or get plugged in with a youth group. (or a small group) But it’s… but whatever it is you’ve got to do it.

   When you are intentional about doing things that scare you, you are forcing yourself to get uncomfortable. You are hopefully working to make your life better, and if not then you can walk away with an “oh well” instead of “what if?” mentality. You are forcing yourself to think bigger picture instead of getting trapped in the day-to-day routine of life. You are not thinking to survive you are doing things that scare you in hopes of getting the thing that you’ve wanted but are afraid of. The fear of failure holds us back, but putting ourselves out there anyway is a great way to combat both fear and the pointlessness of routine. Life needs a purpose. You’re only going to do this once. So scare yourself. Find a purpose even in the day to day and get excited about living. This is not a quest to survive. This is a quest to live.