3rd Grade Me

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?" - C.S. Lewis

This week we went to spend some time with my grandparents and cousins who live in southern Illinois. (not really southern Illinois, but in my mind, once you are south of Chicago, you're in southern Illinois) We don't get to see each other very often and it was fun to spend a few days at grandmas just chilling out, playing ping-pong, solving triangle proofs in a new location, a great time. For a few days that we were there I got to know my cousin Ty a little better. 

As the oldest cousin on my dad's side, I've spent pretty much my entire life being the one that everyone else follows, and I'm used to being kind of the "favorite" cousin. I don't think I'll ever get too old to play those "little kid" games with them. But contrary to my other cousins, Ty has always been super shy and I think scared of me. So when he was meandering around the ping-pong table where my brother and I were going at it, and I could tell he wanted to play, I jumped at the opportunity to let him, and we kind of bonded as much as you can with an eight-year-old boy you never see over the days that followed, talked, went on rides at the fair together, and it meant a lot to me because he's always avoided me before. 

But a fun bonding experience with my cousin has pretty much nothing to do with this week's essay, but a thought I had while he and I were bouncing a ping-pong ball silently back in forth, interrupted only by my occasional, "Good job!" every time he did something even remotely impressive. I kept looking at this kid, this kid that has always seemed so little to me, such a tiny little boy, and I realized, he's going into THIRD GRADE! If you don't get why I thought that was crazy, take a look at some of the highlights of my third grade year: (understand that I'm very embarrassed by these stories, not proud at all. I AM NOT the person that I was then.) 

- During the first few weeks of the school year, my first few weeks in Avon, Indiana, I founded the RTC. (Recess Troopers Club) If you know me well, you know that I went on a stint in second and third grade where I read every single book in the Baby Sitters Club Series, any I was inspired by Kristy, the bossy president of that club to be some kind of tyrant leader. In only a couple of weeksI was effectively a bully and made at least one child in particular cry. 

- Later in the year I got my first "girlfriend," maybe if you knew me then you will remember that individual and hate me for it, and I don't know what happened, she wasn't even a good kid, but totally got me with her outgoing and blunt personality. For three months I wrestled between her and my other friends which I left in the dust and shared my first kisses, all of this an incredibly stupid, uneducated and foolish decision on my part. 

- Over the summer after that year I wrote my infamous "Brie Leman" letter, (I swear I'm not this girl obsessed now, it was a really low phase in my life) in which I wrote a ridiculous letter to a girl at my grandparents ultra-conservative church confessing my love after being in her presence, not speaking a word to her, for all of four days and then suffered the consequences over the following years whenever I visited their church again. 

And my little cousin, the cute little innocent boy who I played ping-pong, the one that has always been smaller, cuter, and infinitely younger is going to be in third grade! Where all of the above can happen. My brother and a few of my other cousins that I've also considered forever younger are going into fifth grade. Fifth grade was the best year of my entire life by far in terms of the friends I had at that time and other things, and now my little brother, I remember when he was born brother, is going to be there. If you haven't noticed, time if flying. Tomorrow I'm turning fourteen years old. With permit laws ladies and gentlemen that's a year away from driving, a year from high school, I mean time is flying by. One day you're a stupid third grader, and a couple years, three states later, and you're taking high school classes, thinking about driving, a career, the future, and I couldn't tell you what I'm doing after church tomorrow. 

I've written a lot about me in this essay, so I won't include a segment about where I've been in the passed five or ten years, but look back for you at the person you were five years, ten years ago, and where you've been in that time, the people you've known, were in touch with, are in touch with, everything, whether you think a lot about it or not, is probably very, very different. 

So what do you do with that? I mean C.S. Lewis leaves it there with his quote. Time flies. Everything is different. End of discussion. What was the point of that quote and me sharing it? 

I think it's a wake up call. As we plunge into a new year, full of new things, we are leaving old ones behind, and there's a lot of old things I'm sad to leave behind. I've said if I could have stopped time at ten years old, eleven years old even, absolutely I would have been ten forever. But it's on to a new stage and newsflash, you only get to do each one once. So wherever you are in life today, remember that someday you will look back on where you are in this second and see how different things are. Time is a precious commodity, and it is not a right, God is not required to give us a single breathe in our lungs, that is all grace. Every second we are living will not last forever. Good stage, bad stage, whatever you are in right now, make the most of it, take advantage of every opportunity. As time flies, make sure you are the pilot. (Not to say you can control everything, but control everything you can)

Now is the only time I will be eighth grade me. Now is the only time you will be 35 year old you, 50 year old you, 70 year old you, fill in the blank. One day you will think back on this time and what you did. So make sure you are doing something, be a thinker. I don't know what the future holds, and I am okay with that, but I know that in this exact second, I need to focus on DOING things that I will be proud of, and that will leave a positive legacy on the earth.